(All names used are pseudonym)
This blog post is about the unheard voices of young students who say that they are stupid because they experience reading difficulties. In the absence of early screening and proactive preventive intervention to negate their negative emotional distress resulting from their reading difficulties, they conclude that the reason for their difficulties is that they are stupid.
Experiences and perspectives of eight high school students with learning disabilities were examined through forty interviews with the students and their parents, both separately and together. Students shared their challenges and strengths as individuals trying to meet the academic expectations of the school.
Previous research by Shessel, in 1995 – who interviewed adults with learning disabilities – reported various negative impacts of learning disabilities on their lives, such as: prejudice and discrimination related to disclosure of their learning disabilities; academic problems compounded by anxiety; social isolation as a side effect of being different; being rejected by their parents and sometimes in both the home and with friends; and fear of looking stupid leading to anxiety and negative self concept. Unfortunately, like most useful research result, that did not affect regulations, policies, and practices.
In this study it was also revealed that students who experienced learning difficulties in Kindergarten or Grade 1 established perceptions of low self worth due to neglect that could have been avoided by answering them their question of what is wrong with me? Unfortunately, instead of screening pre-reading skills to find out what is wrong and what is right to inform teaching, the system is occupied with diagnosing or more accurately with waiting for a diagnosis. Focusing on determining that which is too early and too expensive to determine – a diagnosis of some sort creates obstacles for students to figure out what is wrong with me. The high cost of diagnosing students privately or waiting for a school psychologist to be available in the school means that students wait months or years for the diagnosis, some never get it done. It is during this waiting and pondering on the question of what is wrong with me that students’ self diagnosis of “I’m stupid” kicks in.
Students stated that they were frustrated and embarrassed because they could not read like their classmates. While students and parents noticed that students were experiencing difficulties to meet academic expectations, teachers and school were not ready with a method, a philosophy, or any other academic, social, emotional support for students’ difficulties. Not understanding or having a professional explain to them the possible reasons for their difficulties and ways to manage learning, they concluded that they are stupid because they could not meet academic standard expectations of reading at a certain level like their peers.
Students reported that they were aware of the gap between their own academic performance and that of their peers. For example, James was a Grade 10 student at the time of the interview in 2016. When he was in Grade 2, a private school psychologist paid by his parents assessed and diagnosed him with severe dyslexia. The formal diagnosis provided validation to what was already clear. His mother, Barbara, described James’ awareness of his difficulties and harsh judgment of his own abilities as a young frustrated learner:
He is acutely aware of what he can and can’t do and how he compares to other kids (. . .) in Grade 1 or 2 he basically said to me, ‘I’m the stupidest kid in this whole school. I should die.’ That’s what his words were. (Barbara, P2, 56-59)
Similarly, Elizabeth who was a Grade 12 student in 2016 at the time of the interview, was diagnosed with dyslexia in her private school in Grade 3. She said, “I think, I just, in my memory I felt very stupid in elementary school” (Elizabeth, S1, 578-579). She further explained, “I guess, when I was younger (. . .) I was hearing from other people I’m not smart” (Elizabeth, S2, 197-199). Both James and Elizabeth were aware of their abilities in comparison to their peers and in the absence of any other rationale and supports that acknowledged their strengths they identified fully with their difficulty by interpreting their condition as being stupid.
Kira and Jonathan also described the frustration of not knowing why they fell behind academically. Kira, a Grade 10 student at the time of the interview in 2016 who was also privately diagnosed with dyslexia in Grade 2 said:
Even in Grade 1 when I hadn’t been tested I always thought I was stupid (. . .). That carries with you and you just feel like embarrassed (. . .) I could get so embarrassed and really upset. I would just feel like really I didn’t know what was going on that I didn’t get it. And that frustrated me so badly. (Kira, S2, 435-441)
Kira described her frustration of being embarrassed and regarding herself as stupid before she was privately tested and diagnosed with learning disabilities. She clarified that her experience of shame because of not meeting academic expectations was replaced with a diagnosis of learning disability. A formal justification that afforded Kira to upgrade her self worth from being stupid to a more dignified label of having a learning disabilities. Cora, Kira’s mother, shared that noticing Kira’s learning difficulties was a straightforward but nevertheless the school needed the $2000 private assessment to reassure them that– yes, she has learning difficulties. Cora noted the simplicity in recognizing the academic difficulty and it’s social emotional consequence in one sentence: “We knew pretty early because she didn’t want to go to school, and she couldn’t read” (Cora, P1, 333-334).
Educators, we need to gather our resources to support young learners by screening students for their strengths and weaknesses before they self diagnose as stupid.
Kira’s diagnosis of learning disability following her negative experiences of shame because she had difficulties reading was a relief for her. However, instead of an aftershock relief, preventing the shameful experiences by identifying her learning needs before she experienced shame could have shaped her as a healthy whole person with awareness of her strengths and weaknesses.
A simple screening in Kindergarten for the skills involved in pre-reading followed by targeted teaching would prevent or reduce experiences of shame and self-labeling as stupid. Shame, embarrassment, and low self worth to the point of stating: “I’m stupid”, grew out of neglecting and not noticing their learning needs or merely providing a framework understanding what was wrong with them?
Alexandra, a Grade 10 student in 2016 at the time of the interview, who was also privately diagnosed with dyslexia in Grade 2, described how she, herself, identified her own spelling difficulty: “I remember I had a spelling test, and I was really young, and it was ten words that I had to spell, and I stopped there. I did nothing [laughing]” (Alexandra, SP3, 253-254). Her mother, Kate, refined her experience, “You did do some stuff. By the time she came home, [Alexandra said] ‘I worked so hard, why can’t I do this, Mom? I don’t understand [crying voice]’” (Kate, SP3, 254-256). Kate shared that when Alexandra was young and saying, “I’m stupid, I’m stupid” (Kate, P1, 66), Kate encouraged Alexandra by reminding her of her strengths as a soccer player and as a good friend and a kind person.
While crying Alexandra said that she wants people to know “that I’m not retarded or something [crying], (. . .) I can show them [crying], there is nothing wrong with me, it’s just reading and stuff [crying]” (Alexandra, SP3, 548-553). Using the term retarded reflects her well established low self worth in association with her reading difficulties known as dyslexia. She also emphasized that it was not difficult to identify her learning difference. She knew she had a difficulty and knew exactly what it was and her mother also knew! Nevertheless, it was devastating for the family to have to invest twice in expensive psycho-educational assessments in order to convince the school that there is a need for special attention with Alexandra. The first payment of about $2000 for the psycho-educational assessment did not yield the desired diagnosis to be used in schools to request support. The psychologist’s conclusion that Alexandra was too young to be diagnosed may have been valid, but the school would not direct to Alexandra the resources she needed without the alarm of the diagnosis. So they paid again $2000 to another psychologist that understood the urgency and necessity of the diagnosis for Alexandra’s noticeability in her school. Finally, by the time Alexandra was diagnosed and the school was convinced about her academic needs she was already feeling sad and frustrated, and bursting into tears upon entering her mom’s car at the end of each school day. Alexandra internalized at all levels of existence that she is stupid – not just a student with dyslexia. The restoration of her self worth by her devoted parents is still happening to this day with success.
Kate, Alexandra’s mother, summarized the need to identify early: “If we didn’t tell her she had a learning disability or dyslexia, she’s … she knows there’s something wrong with her, than you just, ‘Oh I’m stupid. I can’t do this’” (Kate, P1, 527-528). Kate discussed the risk of students experiencing anxiety and low self worth when they do not understand the reasons for their difficulties and assign the label of ‘stupid’ as self-identification to explain their delay in meeting academic expectations in early grades.
Oliver who is currently an artist and videophotographer, was a Grade 11 student in 2016 at the time of the interview. He was diagnosed in Grade 5 with learning disabilities. During the years he was waiting for the psychologist in his school to administer the assessment he experienced sever anxiety and collaped into crying at the end of each school day. At school he used to doodle in his notebook keeping his head down out of the radar of the teacher. His father, Mark, mentioned that Oliver’s difficulties were noticed as early as Grade 2. Mark said: “We [parents and teachers] were just beginning to talk about it [learning disabilities] in Grade 2” (Mark, P1, 35). However, he clarified that “To get psych-ed in the public school system can take three or four years” (Mark, P1, 37-38). For Mark, understanding Oliver’s learning difficulties meant waiting for a psycho-educational assessment from Grade 2 to Grade 5. For Oliver, it meant developing anxiety and psychosomatic symptoms of pain, avoiding school, searching for friendship groups outside of school where his learning difficulties are not known, and being continuously frustrated about school.
In these excerpts, students and parents described that they identified their learning difference early but that was not sufficient for the schools to respond with suitable teaching to target that difficulty. Additionally, experiencing academic difficulties resulted in additional challenges of emotional distress, secondary disabilities. These secondary disabilities created by external influences of neglect shaped students’ school experience as well as their personalities, interaction with families, and forming friendships. These secondary disabilities can be prevented!
The critic argued here is that if we all easily notice the difficulty in reading that these students experience why the students are not noticed? Why teaching in Grade 1 is not targeted to support students’ specific pre-reading weaknesses and strengths? Why we neglect these young Kindergartens or Grade 1 students by ignoring their learning needs within a learning institute called school? Why do we wait for a formal diagnosis and allow them to be in a void in which they develop their own ‘stupid’ self-diagnosis? Why is it not mandatory to screen all students for basic pre-reading skills and teach based on screening results? Why do we wait to see them feel shame?
As a former school psychologist I felt shame witnessing these young souls experience emotional and social torture as they were waiting to learn to read. The special support that targeted their weaknesses was offered to select few sometimes as late as in Grade 3. Admitting into the special classes required a diagnosis of learning disabilities, an expensive and unavailable to all. The process of diagnosis never serve to inform teaching but merely for diagnosing and admitting to programs that should have been available early on. The B.C. Act of Education promises education for all but for 15-20 % of students education is conditional to a diagnosis.
Participants of this study were supported by their families and felt confident enough to share their frustrations. This study does not include cases of students who do not have parental support. Imagination is not necessary to realize the neglect that is experienced by students with learning difficulties who are not been seen in schools. Students who do not have parental support, of paying for a diagnosis or providing emotional support, are on their own oppressed by their feeling of shame. We hear about students who are looking for alternative ways to diminish their pain and shame. Some dropout, some self medicate, and some develop behaviour problems or even mental health issues. These experiences are hurtful not only for these individuals but also harming the healthy development of our diverse society. These secondary disabilities can be prevented.
